Now I am in pain. A lot of. Right side of my throat hurts like a hundred big needles got stuck there. I had a look. I see white spots. Throat ulcers very likely. I had this for about a week. I woke up so many times last night simply because of so much pain. Eating is something I hate right now because it hurts the most. Sleeping makes my throat dryer and in about 1h I wake up with tremendous pain. Talking is very uncomfortable. I want this to end.

This is me and my pain now 😀 :

Only warm tea is helping me alleviate the pain. I’ve been to the doctor. She looked for 15 seconds and said it is a virus infection and to take ibuprofen if it hurts. Now go home. Fuck them, today I have another appointment and I will make sure to insist to give me some pain killers and more explanations for my situation. I had COVID and this started after that COVID episode. I also took a lot of ibuprofen when COVID hit since I had fever for several days. I’ve read that ibuprofen can also cause such mouth ulcers. I also fucked up since I did some gargling with water and salt (usually this helps me when in such pain), but I exaggerated and put a ton of salt in the water. Hurt like a bitch.

Then I also used another spray that was for infection+pus….and that also fucking hurt. Now I bought something for canker sores and the doctor said is fine to use it. Hurts less but still…I also tried several painkillers. Nothing works.

This is me having a tear:

Man it really hurts and it is so uncomfortable. Even my ear hurts. Painful pains that last for many days, or longer, are (of course) the fucking worst. I had kidney stones and here’s a post I did about it. That was way worse, tho what I experience now it is getting closer to that experience if it keeps on lasting. I forgot about that kidney stone event. And that’s normal. And that’s my point.

It will go away.

That I know for sure. May take days or a week or so, but eventually it will go away. And this is the point of this post. You know when you are in a lot of pain and your health sucks balls and you think: fhuck, I’m gonna die! You won’t. Except in very rare cases if you have a terminal illness, in which case this article won’t help you at all 🙁 .

I remember when I was 11 or so. I had a pain over here:

(again this is still me at age 11, deal with it!).

Even now I remember how awful that pain was. I could not lift up my leg, and took months to go away. I had to learn to kick the football ball with the other leg because the right one was hurting. It is funny that I did not give up football tho, despite the pain 😁.

Several years ago I had a constant pain here:

That would not go away for 2-3 fucking months. I thought I am losing my mind it was so awful. Not that painful, but fucking constant. I thought there is no life without that pain, that it will be there forever.

But eventually it went away. Took me weeks to get rid of the ghost pain tho. It got tattooed into my brain.

I also had a skin rush on my face that period of time (as you can see in this photo 😀 ):

And hurt and was uncomfortable. Took me months to get rid of it.

We all have these moments. And it seems to me like that whenever we have them we feel like dying. I dream about the day when I won’t have that fucking pain. To then forget about it the next day I feel ok.

So this is a message for all of those who suffer in pain. Don’t worry, it will go away.

I cannot wait to read this post when I will have no more throat pain.

Apparently today was my birthday. I have become 34 years old. Sounds old to me, but also uninteresting.The only time I still enjoyed celebrating my birthday was when I was 14. 20-bloody-years-ago. But after that I hated it. I don’t like to be put in the center of attention, especially for such a shallow thing. Then, why should I celebrate the fact that I get older?!

This is me when I was 14. Waiting for my friends to come for my birthday. Lots of them came..

They gave me many perfume bottles… It was fashionable in 2002.

Anyway. My parents still force me to semi-celebrate it because they buy me a cake and such. It is fine. I am ok with this. But I really hate these events overall. Weddings, birthdays, baby showers, new year, I hate them. I think it is because they are mainly a mindless and consumerist events. Why drag these into today’s world? Why don’t we celebrate the first time we discovered exoplanets? Neutrinos? The theory of evolution? These are the events we should celebrate every year.

In any case, I wanted to share some things about me that I think are mighty weird for today’s normality, now that I am saying I do not like celebrating my birthday nor do I care about that.

So. Here are some facts about me:

• I do not celebrate anything. I do not care. But I like to have fun of course. I was/am usually the one having more fun than the rest.
• I do not “go out”. I’ve been to bar/restaurants maybe 100 times in my entire life. I hate these places. Expensive, shallow, fake, annoying. I do not care about them. I love “going out” tho, in nature, for a walk, with the bike, for a swim, at the beach, mountain, etc..
• I do not drink alcohol. I never did. I tried it tho. I do not like the taste or the side-effects. Actually I only drink water for the past 4 or so years because of my stomach issues.
• I never did any drugs. But I am ok with trying some in the future. But just trying.
• I rarely listen to music and I do not like a particular genre, tho I sometimes prefer to listen to “soundtracks” from documentaries or movies. Hans Zimmer and the like.
• I do not watch movies. None. I cannot. I used to be a movie addict but then I discovered “reality”. Tho I watch tons of documentaries that are a lot more fun and interesting, and real, than movies.
• I do not pay for any subscription to anything. No Netflix, Spotify, no anything like that. Except paying for the servers we have for TROM.
• I do not use Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram, Tiktok or anything of the sort. And youtube I watch through Invidious. I use Friendica and Peertube tho.
• I rarely if ever use my phone. My phone is a 2015 Samsung S7 and I see no reason to change it. It was my 2nd smartphone ever. I use it to check the weather and pay with it. That’s all. Well and for Signal to talk to my parents. Else is like a credit card with a watch and a weather app. A thick one.
• I do not have a driving license.
• I rarely if ever had a girlfriend. Thanks to @Sasha now I have a great one haha. I never felt the need. I was always happy with being alone. Even now, being alone is fine for me. I never mind that. I am never in need of having people around me really….
• Speaking of that I do not like meeting people that much. I prefer avoiding that. Except when it is for TROM-friends :P. I also do not like small talk, and I am not interested in people’s stories…
• I only lived in 2 places. I never traveled. And I am fine with that. You think the world, not feel the world anyway. However Sasha will probably take me out there in the nature world because I’d be curious to see some stuff.
• I only eat a few types of food because of my stomach…. Chicken, eggs, potatoes, tomatoes and bread. That’s mostly it. I eat at least 2 eggs a day. I feel like I am 24% chicken by now. I used to eat lots of different foods…but my stomach can’t handle most.
• I never ever had any job. But I worked a lot for TROM and similar projects.
• I do not have any vices, except maybe that I buy some specific sweet things for like 2 euros every other day.
• Video Games. I do not play them. At all. I used to when I was in school. I see no point now. Waste of time. I do like to play some “offline” games tho. Involving balls 🙂 and rackets and such.
• Although I am from Romania and know Romanian, I really don’t like talking Romanian. It has become more difficult for me to express myself in that language. I feel like English is my main language now.
• I hate scheduling things. I never do that. I hate calendars for that reason. My perfect day is to wake up and have no plans. And then I’ll do stuff. Because I do not lack ideas or motivation.

Ok I will add this to my Tinder profile. In the weirdos category.

But well, I like my life. I am really happy as long as I have enough money to support a basic life for myself and Sasha. Actually money is my only problem. If I had 1k Euros guaranteed a month for the rest of my life, I’d be the happiest and most engaged human out there :). Because I do not need much. I don’t want any new gadgets, go to any fucking paris-nonsense-thing, expensive shit, and such. The natural world is an amazing place to think about and admire. And the projects I am doing are my babies. I love them.

I know people who have plenty of money but have no clue what to do with themselves. That is scary to me. I am happy that at least I am not like that at all. I know what I want to do. I do not get bored or confused. So yeah….trying to make some money now to support my trade-free work and my very basic lifestyle.

Phones, clothes, houses, cars, online fame….are a scam. Happiness is a state, not an object. Chase the state, not the object(s).

As for celebrations….whatever….if you like them I am not there protesting against you. And I can be part of some, is fine but not that comfy for me. But I would not be the one initiating them. I wish humans would become a saner and smarter species and celebrations would have some bloody meaning, more than let’s buy more shit, or let’s celebrate someone’s “name”, or any crappy idea.

Ok. Bye.

This is the list of the apps I use the most on my Linux machine.

1. Firefox.

I have multiple windows, each with multiple tabs, on different workspaces…This is what you’ll see on my computer if you were to look at it, a Firefox window or two. Inception:

I have it heavily customized and I won’t tell you how but it is quite the same as we have it default in TROMjaro. So if you are curious install TROMjaro :D.

I tried many browsers but Firefox is still my favorite as long as I keep it tweaked as I do. I see no ads, I use Libredirect to not even visit the popular websites like youtube, twitter and the like. I therefore use trade-free instances of those. Anyway, Librewolf seems to be a candidate for me in the future, but for now I’ll stick to Firefox.

2. Zettlr for my notes.

I tried so many notes apps, but I need one that can sort my notes in folders and sub-folders that are easily accessible. Plus support basic text formatting/lists + code. Zettlr supports Markdown and a WSYIWYG editor for it so all looks neat.

The fact that I can add the type of code, is useful because it automatically uses the proper colors for it, making it easy to understand it. Since it saves everything as individual markdown documents then it is easy to backup and move to another Notes app if needed.

3. Syncthing to file share.

Because it is so easy to use, and is p2p. So no limitation in terms of how much you can share and with whom. I share files with my friends like this, and it is so fast. The only difficult part is setting up the Send and Receive folders between you and your friends, mostly because you may get confused by that. The way I do it is to create a Sync folder. There I make another with the name of the friend: Sasha. And then inside this 2 more: Send and Receive. I share them both with Sasha and the Receive is set as “receive only”, the other one as “send only”. DONE. Now copy the files into the Sasha-Send when you share with her, and look in Sasha-Receive when you get files from her. Easy and reliable.

4. Flameshot for screenshots.

I screenshot a lot. To showcase bugs with the software, or for posts like this, and so on. I cannot find anything close to Flameshot. Press one keyboard key then drag the area you want to screenshot.

And you also have access to quick tools for blurring parts of the image, add arrows, and more. Then CTRL + S to save or CTRL + C to copy it. Done! Cannot live without this app.

5. Thunderbird for email.

If you customize it a bit can look sleek. I absolutely love and need the “open in new tab” feature because many times I want emails to be stored in tabs so I can reply later. I cannot do email without this feature.

6. KeePassXC for passwords.

1 file with all of my passwords. Encrypted with a master password. Stored locally. Perfect. KeePassXC simply works…stores all of my passwords.

If I lose this file I do not know any passwords. But is fine I have it backed-up in multiple locations. The integration with Firefox is decent and at times fails. So is not ideal when you want to save new passwords when you register on some websites….but is fine….

7. Transmission Torrent for torrenting.

It does the job. Not too simple, not too complex. Works. Reliable.

I use it nonstop. I seed some 2k torrents. Good for me!

8. EasyStroke for mouse gestures.

I have a mouse with 18 buttons. I use them all. But I also use global mouse gestures and it makes things so much easier. People who do not use this, have no idea what they are missing :D.

9. SMPlayer as the video player.

The default SMPlayer looks like crap. But installing some skins and tweaking it a bit and looks like this:

Everything I throw at it, it plays. You can tweak the seekbar as you want (easily), and setup it any way you want. Has hardware acceleration, and a ton of features. I have been using it for so many years and I tried so many other video players. For me nothing beats SMPlayer.

10. Nuclear for music.

Such an amazing project. Plays any song from lots of sources. All trade-free.

Easily make playlists even download any song you want. You can even use it as your local music player.

11. Imagine for image optimization.

Out of all image optimization tools nothing beats Imagine. Not very well known but damn good. Easy to use and reduces the size of photos while keeping the quality. The best of any I have tested, by a lot!

The other notable mentions are: Blanket because I need some background sounds when I sleep… :D, Element + Signal as my chats; I use Gnome Boxes to test TROMjaro or other distros, and Meld to check between versions of files; I use Shotwell for my photo albums, Inkscape and Krita for image editing, and Kdenlive for video editing. Lastly, Private Internet Access is my default VPN, Vorta + Timeshift is the way I backup my files, and Peek helps me video record my desktop when I need to make a short video.

That’s it! 🙂 If you want, tell me what are your top apps that you use. I’d be curious to try them out.

I am very active on the fediverse but when it comes to more important posts I will still use my blog for that.

Because I do not have money I will have to pause the work on TROM II and try to make some money.

So.

TROM II is going very well. I made 2 parts already, a bit over 2h long combined. But I will have to add some 20 minutes to each + very likely make 2 more parts. Everything is setup and ready to go.

This is the first part in the editing program:

What is in red I have to add to it still. First part is about us and how the environment shaped us as humans. It explains the role of culture, movies, music, school, and so forth. But also the scientific evolution of the universe and the creatures on this planet.

Second part:

Again that red thing needs to be added to the documentary. Here we talk about the evolution of human societies and with the focus on trade. We talk about our personal situations with university, money, jobs, and so forth. It is what introduces the viewers to what trade is and how it is the core of our society.

Third and fourth parts (in the making):

Left is the third part, right is the forth. They are kinda done in terms of the storyline. I had to cu through around 30-35 hours of footage and bring it down to this. The third part is about detailing what problems we have in the world today, from biodiversity loss to climate change or waste. And how trade is to blame for that. Fourth part is about solutions and a new way of looking at all of these. How to move beyond this awful society.

Now I’d say there will be 4 parts, each around 1 hour 20 minutes long. So….it will still be a long documentary. It is a different approach that I am taking with this one. I am making it more personal, but it is still packed with facts and hard science.

I think it will take me some 2-3 weeks to merge the leftovers into the first 2 parts so I am fully done with them. However to finish the 3rd and 4th parts it can take me some 3-4 months. Maybe less idk.

This being said.

Here is the current situation. I have around 1.800 Euros. All of my money. The monthly donations for TROM are at about 350 or so Euros a month. I and Sasha live with my parents and my sister in spain, in a rented house. Our spendings here are around 900-1.000 euros a month in bills and rent. I and Sasha spend some 300 euros or less on food a month, and contribute some 200 euros to the monthly expenses. We can’t contribute more. I also pay some 60 euros a month for the servers and backups. In total we try to survive with 500 euros a month, 2 people.

My parents worked in Spain for some 15 years now and this year they are forced to retire. My mother gets some 300 euros a month in retirement money, my father needs to see….but he worked with shitty contracts in spain (being forced to do so), and his 15 years of work only count as 6 for example…both of them try to save and then in November go back to Romania for good and try to survive there if they can.

My sister is going to move to another rented apartment here in the same town.

I and Sasha?

That’s the dilemma. We cannot support ourselves right now. We would need at least 1.000 Euros a month to survive on our own.

My parents and my sister will have to do a lot of gymnastics when they move because of stuff…and we also have stuff, tho not as much. We will also help them move to Romania so either way we will go there in the winter.

So what to do?

We won’t be homeless of course since we can go to Romania and live with my parents. I have a small room there. But for me to finish the documentary I need to be relaxed and focused on it. Romania is not that sort of environment for me. We also have some stuff so where can we put that!?

It is very tricky and the following months will be very busy for us.

My plan.

Finish with the 1st and 2nd parts of TROM II. Add those leftover bits. After that is done (hopefully not more than 2-3 weeks) pause the documentary. I hate this, and I want to work on it and finish it, but I have no better alternative.

As soon as I finish with those 2 parts, I will start the “MAKE MONEY” operation. I need to. There is no way around this. People’s donations are amazing and super helpful but nowhere near enough to support myself. Donations are not working unfortunately. With the money we have now I hope to be able to support us for 4 or so more months. Until August. If there will be more donations that would be amazing, but I can not rely on this at all.

So I will focus on making money. I was never good at this but I need to try. I have some ideas. We will also try to sell our stuff, whatever we have. We have a TROMjaro tablet, a heater, a not-very-functional electric scooter 😀 and so forth.

So from at least June on, we are focused on making money. If a miracle happens and we have enough money by October, then we can rent a place here and move and I can continue the work on TROM II. But likely that won’t happen, not so fast at least. So likely we will end up in Romania and try to make money somehow. Maybe I can still work on TROM II this year, but we shall see.

I will try to work in cleaning this summer, also will release a website for my webdesign-money-making plan, so I can try and make websites; a TROM friend may also help me find a job in some IT company….not that excited about that tbh :D.

No worries, TROM and TROM II are happening and being supported.

TROM II will be finished. But I want to make it very well and not rush with it. The info there is relevant for the many years to come, maybe centuries. As for our websites and projects they will continue uninterrupted. New TROMjaro releases and a few improvements and fixes as usual, trom.tf services will be maintained; VideoNeat will be updated; we may even do some TROMcasts if I have the time. And so on.

It is unfortunate but this post is not about complaining. I did a lot of that and now I need to take care of myself in order to take care of these projects. It is me and a few wonderful people who support these projects financially or volunteering their time. It is very hard. But if it wasn’t, then we might have been wrong about bitching how bad this society is. This is, in fact, a proof of how fucked up this society is, where you can’t even focus on doing good things. You have to trade yourself all the time.

We are the pioneers.

We are doing trade-free projects and try to make humans aware of how fucked up this society is, while doing so from inside the monster itself. We face a lot of hurdles. We struggle. But whoever is against this society, has to face those. Big changes come on a horse called “Suffering”. And this horse has a long journey ahead. And it gets tired, and depressed, and scared at times. But we need this horse to go where we want to reach.

Not long ago we met with this human who was perhaps quite normal. But because “we”, the ones who have this (let’s say) TROM mentality were outnumbering the human, the human started to see what we talked about as normal. We were the normality. I felt like the world flipped. Suddenly the other side was smaller, and ours was bigger. And of course we agreed that is fucked up to force people to slave for even their basic needs, all of their lives; of course we need to provide trade-free stuff for people. Of course trade-free makes sense and is such an important approach. Of course. But we had to bleed to reach that point, that situation. If there will be more of us talking about these things, and doing the things we do at TROM, then that could become normality, at least in pockets and groups. And that has a tremendous power because what we talk about is backed up by facts, so when it becomes normal, it also becomes stronger and stronger.

Don’t worry. Really.

I will feel a lot better if I could build and manage some 10-15 websites and get paid monthly and make enough to have a good life on this planet and support TROM, than seeing a handful of people trying so hard to support TROM and me financially. And having to complain that I have no money all the time. I’d feel so good if I could sustain myself and TROM financially. I have some plans as I said and I will put them into practice very soon. We will see how this goes.

Of course it would be amazing if I would get enough support for the tons of work I am doing on these projects. I am busy enough with these. And it worked for a few years and who knows in the future, if TROM becomes more known, may work again. But for now I am beating a dead horse and the poor horse can’t go anywhere, if I were to try and rely fully on donations.

I keep everyone posted on the Fediverse and of course, if anyone wants to still donate this is the place to do so https://www.tromsite.com/donate/ but don’t sweat over it. In the long term I have to anyway make money somehow. Because projects like TROM may never get enough donations anyway. We are too odd of a project for that :).

Ok friends. Will try to finish the first two parts of the documentary. And as soon as I can get back to work on it I will. We could even release this year, if not for sure the next year.

Cheers!